>>USE FORK ON WHISTLE. EAT RATIONS. INTIMIDATE LUMPY MASS.
You stick the FORK into the LUMPY MASS’s WHISTLE and wind it up like a bite of lengthy pasta.

“Look here,” you grumble at the moldy little fellow. “My lackey and I have had quite a rough journey, and we’re in need of refreshments.”

You take some RATIONS out of your pack and begin to munch on them, washing them down with gulps from your WATERSKIN.

“Now, I consider myself a friendly, stand-up sort of fellow, and I’d like nothing better than to bring a welcome-gift to my new co-workers. Kindly point me to the nearest bakery; I’ll go grab a tasty treat and come right back.”

“S-splendid!” Stammers the moldfellow. You can smell his fear. Your intimidation tactics seem to be working.

As you look down at your left hand starting to melt, you think it might have been a bad idea to store your RATIONS in the same bag as those MUSHROOMS.

>>ENTER COMMAND:

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>>GRASP AT TENTACLES. PANIC. LOOK AROUND. CONSIDER YOUR SITUATION.

You frantically attempt to grab one of the behemoth’s flailing limbs as you pass by on your way towards darkness and certain doom, but the slimy coating on the creature’s exoskeleton makes it all but impossible. It screetches, dismayed at the loss of its prey. The small gap across the cavern quickly disappears from view. You fall.

And fall.

…After a while, you cease panicking and begin to consider your situation. Death seems imminent, but at least you have some time to think.

If you could take back one choice you made, one side-street that led you to this sorry state of affairs, you think it might be the mushrooms. Everything seemed to go South after the mushrooms. You can feel them working within you still; digging into your skull, piercing your soft brain. You sigh.

…What would a creature that size eat down here, anyway? It seemed awfully large to live off of kobolds and mushrooms.

…This sure is a deep pit. You continue to plummet for what seems like hours. You don’t think your tucking and rolling training is going to cut it.

Eventually, you fall asleep. You never feel the impact.

>>

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>>USE PREHENSILE TAIL WITH MUSHROOMS. USE BATTLE HAMMER ON MAW. WIGGLE.

You utilize your wiggliest wiggles and wrest your hammer arm free. Swinging your newly-freed BATTLEHAMMER wildly, you manage to crush a pair of the slavering creature’s massive teeth, then wedge the hammer solidly into its gaping maw.

With your prehensile tail, you work a few mushrooms out of your pack and flick them down the gargantuan gullet. Cursing, you realize you’ve fed it some of your RATIONS, as well.

With a terrifying roar, the beast dislodges and swallows the BATTLEHAMMER, knocking another pair of its TEETH lose in the process. It appears upset.

Your bowels loosen once more.

>>

Suggested commands: Grab, Think, Toss, Chop, Bite, Look.

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Cybogre, painted.

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>>THROW LOG AT HORRIBLE CREATURE.

You chuck your fiery log into the beast’s hungry maw. An otherworldly shriek rings throughout the halls as the horrid thing reels; then it wraps a pair of meaty tentacles around you! You feel something crunch. Your HAMMER-arm is trapped.

The abomination begins to pull you towards its rows of gnashing teeth.

>>

Suggested commands: Grab, Bite, Wiggle, Think, Check Inventory/Status.

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>>SING:

Softly and slowly at first, but building and building to a Mighty crescendo, you begin to sing. You sing of mushroom-wars, and legume tragedies. You sing the songs of the Accountant-Kings of the Land and of the Sky. A many-limbed horror-beast rises from the depths of the pit, and you bellow your tribal office’s challenge-chant in defiance.

The fetid titan regards you, unimpressed, and coils to strike!

>>

Suggested commands: ???

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